My Venting Space!

i can honestly say i got rid of people i dont need in my life. honestly i think most people should do this. there is no time in life to waste it on others who dont give a fuck. dont let them waste it, life is short. i wasted my time sad to say but its ok im getting away from it. one thing that is hilarious is that we are 20 years old and and of them already have families and other things to worry about and they want to start a fight, omg u must be kidding me. i have nothing to worry about i know i have the strength to take both those bitches but at the same time what they dont realize is that because of one person i have in my life that everyone respects, those bitches cant do shit. for every action is a consequence. honestly its been months and they want to hold grudges. go nuts i say. you guys are making me the highlights of ur life so i really dont care, actually im flattered. well i called them stupid at the time because of something small but now they proved that they are really stupid.

Things are coming together finally. besides the bullshit of stupidity my life is getting there once again. i honestly am probably going to have to start thinkin of be really independent. im growing up and seriously i think i should start now. with my fuck ups, i should take all the responsibilities of my actions. i dont mind and honestly i think it would be good for me. it will help me start to spend my money wisely. Starting now wont hurt. im turning my life around and no one is going to stop me. i have all that i need & who gives a fuck about non-sense. i dont need fuck ups, who will bring me down in my life. no one does so why start now. through experience DONT HELP OTHERS WHO DONT WANT TO BE HELPED. its honestly true cuz in the end you have wasted so much time of your life helping basically NOTHING. with that load off my shoulders i am having so much fun not worrying & stressing out with life. im living my own and having fun with it :) i start work tomorrow wish me luck :)

its disgusting what had happened. yes many people have got hurt & yes Karma is a bitch. it hurts a lot. but what i have to realize is that i have gone through worse experiences in my life. one stupid incident which wasnt his fault & i have to learn to forgive. he has done everything to make me happy & yes i am a bitch to him at times and he puts up with it. i was just to blind to see the good he has done and has let this one wrong ruin a lot. i feel myself growing as a person on the inside & that is a very good thing.

honestly i have found him. & cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with him. its crazy how it starts now =)

im hanging on only by a thread
and soon it is about to rip.

can i hold it in any longer ???

it really isnt a good thing to hold in anger, but really how can one not. i dont want to tell others my problems because it causes the situation to get bigger or the other person might think "holy this girl is crazy". i really dont know what they would say but really ive seen a difference in the way my life is when i speak whats on my mind than holding it in. holding it in keeps everyone "HAPPY". i cant stand living a FAKEass life. i need the person to know but it doesnt help when that person tells u what u want to hear just so that they can squash the situation. its stupid. we are now 20 fucking years old. and they still want to act as if we are in highschool & elementary. im sorry guys im getting to old for that now and i really dont wanna do the whole he said she said thing. just ask me and i will tell u. omg lol wait this did happen and she asked me for the truth i tell her the truth yet she still doesnt believe me. OMG im going nuts.

i have so much other things to worry about and a bunch of 20 year olds are not supposed to be one. my life is more important than all you. keep talking shit about me cuz while u guys are stuck at home playing xbox cuz u have no money what so ever to go out cuz ur jobless, ill be out with our friends that do have money having fun. remember before he came into ur life i would spend a million dollars on u because u were my best friend. now if i were to spend a dime on u, i know that money would be going to him.

its summer 08 now and all i want to do is have fun. that is what im going to do. you all call me a bitch yet who has the upper hand here. i can take things from you in a second and buddy u know that. it happened a couple of months ago and i can do it again. sucks doesnt. just cuz i may look like the type of person who wont retaliate, think again u guys. just continue to push my buttons. its takes alot but i know u guys know how to do something with ur life right?

Its been more than a year that i have posted anything on this. i doubt anybody comes on this anymore because the famous site now is Facebook. Two years ago this used to be my favourite spot to just vent out what was occurring in my life. i was reading my earlier entries and i just laughed. i got over my obstacles and left all of them behind but now i am challenged with new ones which i do not care to deal with.

i am now with my lover Chester, for over a year now and not like what i used to write about my ex-boyfriend, i can honestly say i care about this person. he is the opposite of my ex and a million times more of a man. we have gone through hell and back, & are basically a married couple in training ahah.

i am now 20 years old and i feel i have gone through many good and bad things in my life. i have met amazing people and lost some. i have done great actions and really stupid ones too. i regret some and i dont. one thing i know im done with is childish games. i know that these immature people are trying to get me angry by talking mad shit and are trying to get me to fight back but i wont. think that im a pussy if u want but i just dont want to waste my life fighting when i can have fun instead. trust me you should try it, its fun. im pissed off and tried of the crap. i want it gone.

what more can a girl ask for. seriously i am very lucky. i have the most important people in my life right now. i started to realize who i can & cannot trust. those who said they were my friends & now arent. im seeing everything in a new perspective, which is great. im concentrating on school & work, & im supported 110% by my boyfriend. he is my life. it feels like we've dating for years, its only because we are so close. he gives me unconditional love & its proven through this ring.

2006 ended like crap...i went through hell & back but seriously 2007 is beginning beautifully. i have everything i want & need & i have my wonderful boyfriend to thank. im still going through a lot right now & he has been walkin me through this. he is my backbone & i dont know what i would do without him.

&& things just keep on gettting worse for me. the only good thing in my life right now is my boyfriend. everything is fucked. i really need to get out of here...i cant stand being in this hell hole. i want school to start only cuz i know ill be happy being able to leave the house on my own. i want this to end but i know it wont, not anytime soon. i know they dont trust me but whatever i swear they think that all teenagers are supposed to be good. when u have more than one child, one of them is bound to be bad..& of course i was the one. i feel so bottled up that real soon i am going to explode. if they continue to stay up my ass im gonna blow up. i hate this.

my mom's side of the family so fuckin fucked. the adults take pleasure in seeing their neices suffer. how fucked is that honestly? they are supposed to want nothing but good for us instead their making the kids live in hell. the thing is that they are ADULTS yet the kids are the ones who are acting like the grown ups. it was a bitch ass move for my aunt & uncle to rat me and my cousin out. i always thought that i was able to run to them but now i cant. no one can honestly trust anyone but themselves. i honestly cant stand anyone in this family. family is supposed to be supportive & there for eachother, not to be there to backstab and hurt one another. the only family i have are my cousins, girls & my boyfriend. its sad to know that the people who are my fuckin blood i cant even consider my family. but the funny thing is that ive always felt this way about them for years. i know that they always talk shit yet im always talkin to them only cuz i think they would stop cuz their my family but no, to them family is just a word and they do not show the meanin behind it. the adults think that us kids are fuckin stupid yet we know their dirty secrets too, but yet were not rubbin it in their faces cuz were to good for that & plus we dont want to waste our time on that. i honestly just want to leave this family & get away from this drama, this is unneccessary drama in my life & i dont need to deal with this shit. im a funny teen who has other things to worry about, not this..hell noo. they are the reason why i want to leave & prove to them that im better than what they say about me. i funny dont need this shit. its sad how im gonna go months without seeing these people because i dont need to hear the shit they have to say about me.